Long believed to be able to recognize what I did right and what hurt me. Thought I knew when I was living a good thing, and when good was no longer good and became something that was difficult to fight, or had to endure, into something bad. But in recent years, I realized that my desire to be well is so strong that makes me lie to myself. It's a little disturbing to know that, and I wish I could learn from it to no longer live. But in truth I do not know that helps me know what I think to be living in a time can be to be otherwise, if at the time when I fail to figure it out alive. Nor
achievement to reconcile my two faces, the quiet and reasonable, and the curious and restless. Remain in conflict and when one of them seems to be winning, the other is soon to cross the road and change the plans. And I wanted to keep the two going to change direction and losing every time. The first is that values he has, cares, protects, maintains, takes root, hates conflict. The other wants to know, like change, movement, activity and independence. Seem contradictory, but one can not exist without the other, misses the point. One goes to the other to deny itself. Just can coexist in an endless struggle.
And so it is sometimes intense thing I'd rather live without knowing where it takes me, risking and sometimes losing assurance forever. Losing a good thing, perhaps some day be not so good, change it to something unknown and intense, so good, that within a time can also be bad. Do not know how the weather can change things, if it is time to change them, or I can be. I just know that it has to be, and if not, would be unbearable for one of the "self." Just as it is now.
I better not, though I doubt this is the truth that he wanted to get.
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